No call last week because I was out of town, but I wanted to give you all a head’s up to this fantastic interview I did with my friend and colleague, Dr. Randy Hyde. You can pick up the interview through Live On Purpose Radio by clicking on this link or by following the Live On Purpose Radio link on the side bar. I’ll catch you later this week for the next live call.
I have a question about no expectations. I’ve heard this before and thought, “That’s probably the most important thing I can change.” that said, I’m still not sure I know how to do it.
For example on today’s call (Mar 12) Paul said something like, “It’s ok with me if you clean your room, or don’t.” And I’m still thinking it’s not ok with me if you don’t.
I’m reading the Parenting Breakthrough by Merrilee Boyack and I’m learning how important it is to teach my children to learn to work, which is another thing I’ve failed at to this point. So…I’m trying to reconcile these 2 ideas. How do I do both have no expectations and teach my children to work? I have a feeling the answer is going to skyrocket my ability in parenthood because if I can get this what else will be left?
I think one of the real keys here is to detach yourself from the outcomes. You want the room to be cleaned, but even more you want your children to learn responsibility – it’s not even about the room. When I made the comment about being OK with either choice, that comes from a perspective that I can accomplish my top objectives either way. If my child chooses not to do what I’ve asked (and incidentally I think it borders on being abusive to not ask your children to do things that are right and reasonable) then I will be ready with an appropriate consequence to honor that choice. The idea is to shift the “investment” in the outcome to the child. There is an important difference in teaching your child to work so that THEIR life will be better versus teaching your child to work so that YOUR life will be better. The poetic justice to this whole thing is that your life will be better when your child’s life improves just because of your love for them and desire for their happiness.